God's Gracious Gifts

Oh, wow. I have SO much to share from our day today. I really don't know how I'm ever going to get it all down on paper (or computer). In fact, I told Mark he has to take a turn, because I'm just out of words. (And, I'm sure you're as tired as I am of hearing me talk!)

But, for now, we want to share the MOST exciting news of all!!

We are finally ready to share our sweet, amazing, treasure of a video with all of you. This has been in our heads and hearts for months, and we have been blessed beyond measure with the talent of our dear friend, Jaron, who has put it all together for us.

It is our hope that you see our story...our sweet Chase....and most importantly, our GREAT God who has poured out His gracious gifts on us. We are so excited to share this with you. (Be sure and pause my playlist at the bottom of the blog!)

We are also thrilled to announce that we have officially "gone live" with our website as of today, September 30th! Thanks to our talented friends, The Marketing Twins, we have a new look and a wonderful resource for the His Chase Foundation! Please check the new site out HERE at www.hischase.org!

Even as I have typed this short and seemingly information-only blog, my mind is wandering to what I've experienced today. And, tears have just started streaming. Sometimes the blessings that continue to just fall on us, are just too much to process. God is just so good. And, we wait with great anticipation to see what He is doing next. I have a feeling He's not done yet.

Happy Chase Day, friends. It has truly been happy for us. And, I promise to be back with stories and pictures. As soon as I sleep a little. :)

Share Your CHASE Day!

We have already been so encouraged and so excited to hear the ways you are all blessing others! THANK YOU for joining us in this, and making CHASE Day all about others in need of some goodness today.

Just to let you know, there are couple of options if you'd like to share your act of service with us. (And, by no means do you have to share! It's totally up to you!) If you WOULD like to join our memory book of the first annual CHASE Day, you can either leave a comment here on the blog, or you can email us at:

chaseday@hischase.org

We have already heard some wonderful stories of simple ways you are blessing other people. And, if you haven't joined in yet, just look around you and find a way to bless someone's day. You never know what that one act of kindness might do for them. And, thank you all for honoring Chase in this amazing way.

CHASE Day is here!!

My sweet Chase,

Today's your day!! Do you know how much your sisters have been waiting for CHASE day? We have been counting down to it during our calendar time each morning. In fact, Abby Kate learned to write your name during our countdown times.

They love you so much, precious boy. They celebrate you every single day in our home, by talking about you, by asking questions about you, and by telling other people about "their brother who lives in heaven".

You are one of us, Chase. You always will be.

What I love most of all, is that none of this is celebrated with sadness in your sisters. It's as if they just know for sure you are their brother, and they just have to wait a little bit to get to play with you.

Tonight, Abby Kate was SO excited to celebrate "one year for Chase" tomorrow. She picked out a giant "#1" balloon for you with sports balls all over it. Daddy caved and let her get it for you. She was excited to show me and said "Tomorrow, Chase will be ONE! He never was zero, but now he will be one in heaven!!"

Oh, these precious moments we still get to have with our family make me so proud.

And, do you know what is happening today, little one?

People everywhere are blessing others because of you.

I've already heard story after story of what people are doing to honor your little life, and nothing could make me prouder as your mommy. Yesterday, I heard that another child was sponsored through Compassion because of you. I heard stories of families feeding the homeless, visiting shut-ins, or blessing those they work with or work for.

Chase, you are changing the world, one little life at a time, and I am so thankful for that. We thank God that He has been so gracious to us, to give us a wonderful legacy for your life. And, we promise to never let it be about us, Chase. Your life is all about Him. Your life is all about blessing others who matter most to Him.

Your sisters, your daddy, and I have spent this whole week focused on the blessings that have come from you. They are countless. We have spent time looking at your baby things from the hospital, and of course looking at your pictures. We have also read so many scriptures that the Lord has given us over the last year, to give us comfort and healing. Even as I look back at a year ago, when I first held you, and my sorrow was so incredibly deep...I still see His gentle hand leading me, comforting me, and healing the empty places.

Every day this week, we have found ways to bless others, and it has been SO much fun! We have found such JOY in honoring you this way, and every time we do another little act of kindness, we say as a family "HAPPY CHASE DAY!!"

Oh, sweet boy. I never thought I could be so proud of you a year ago. I was so lost then. So confused about how you would fit into our family. But, you know, the Lord knew all along. He knew the GREAT and AWESOME plans He had for your life...not your life on earth, but the gift of LIFE you would give to me, your daddy, and hundreds of others.

In so many ways, I grieved for what I lost last year, when I lost you. I cried and cried because I didn't know what your eyes looked like...what your personality would be like...or what sport you would have played.

But, I can say with utmost confidence, that God has been so good to me in that pain. He has granted me a peace I can't describe about who you are. Chase, I DO know you. I know what you are like...because of what you have shown me. I know what is important to you...because of what I have learned from you.

I may not know what your laugh would have sounded like or what your hug would feel like, but I imagine it all the time. Because I know you're laughing in heaven. And, I know I will hug you forever someday.

We just have to wait. A little longer, precious boy.

Until then, know that you are missed and loved and celebrated every single day in our home. You have changed us forever. Your Daddy prayed last night the same prayer he prayed almost one year ago, "God, don't let us ever go back to normal." We welcome the changes He has made in us through you, and we can't imagine life without you. :)

I love you so much, Chase Allen.

All the way to heaven and back,

Your PROUD Mommy

The Comfort of Memories

Before I start the post below, I want to say THANK YOU. I don't even know how many people visited Sarah's blog, or prayed for her, but I know it's been ALOT. Just from comments, emails, phone calls I've received today...I can tell that many of you are praying. I truly appreciate it, and I know Sarah does too. Keep those visits and prayers coming for the Erwins. One thing I forgot to show on the last blog:

This same sweet friend, who is in the midst of deep grief of her own, thought of me, and sent Chase his first "one year" heavenly birthday card this week. (Made my her very crafty sister.) Thank you, Sarah and sweet sister (I need to get your name!), for making my week start off in the absolute best way. Isn't the card cute, with it's little heavenly doves, and Chase's monogram? I love it. It's sitting in the middle of my living room and I just keep smiling. :)

Okay, on to the blog of the evening.

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It has always amazed me how a scent, an image, or even a shirt can bring back SUCH strong memories. As fall begins, it is bringing back strong memories of last year for me. The pumpkins displayed in piles at the doorway of every grocery store, the smell of the candle in my living room, the crisp cool air of the mornings, even the clothes I am pulling down to wear...

It all just makes my head spin and returns me right to this month last year.

The other day I wore a sweater that immediately took me back. It reminded me of my friends, who gave me a night away the week after we lost Chase. It was supposed to be the night of my baby shower. I think they were pretty brave to hang out with me anyway. :)

As I wore this brown sweater, I was back in that night. I remember driving to meet Alyssa at Target first. I remember being nervous because it was my first time to "be in public" without Mark. I remember being worried that someone would ask me if I was pregnant or how many kids I had. I remember being worried that I wouldn't be able to be myself with my friends. I remember seeing Alyssa in Target and all of that just melting away. I remember her sweet spirit taking my mind off what I was thinking about and her familiar hug just making me completely comfortable. And, I remember her gracious ability to not make me feel stupid when I couldn't even remember where the paper towels were kept at Target. (And, actually, she did all my shopping, practically. I couldn't find space in my head to figure out stuff like shopping lists.)

I remember meeting the rest of my friends at dinner, and at first, having that worried, extremely sad feeling that this was all wrong. But, within minutes, I just felt the absolute peace and comfort I needed from the people I loved most.

It's amazing how a sweater can bring all of that with it when it comes off the hanger.

And, it was amazing the other night when a parking lot of cars did the same thing.

We knew we were going to dinner with friends. They had planned it for us to honor Chase and celebrate with our family. I knew it would be emotional. But, cars? Since when do cars make me cry?

But, they did that night. As we drove into the church parking lot, every car represented a family that I love dearly. A family who has walked every single step of this journey with us. A family who has been on their knees in prayer for us, and who have done what we didn't even know we needed--at just the right time. They all have a car full of kids who I also love and have known since birth. So, each car meant so much more than just a car.

And, I told Mark through tears "I love every single one of these cars." :)

Little did I know that crying over cars would not be the only thing that surprised me.

As we were greeted at the door by my sweet, sweet friend Nicole (who already had tears in her eyes too), she said "You have no idea what you're walking into. It's all good. It's all good."

Oh my, was she right.

I walked into this:

A room full of people I LOVE more than I can say on this blog. A room full of brown and blue and sweetness and beauty. Beautifully decorated tables, amazing ideas for the kids, and sweet details that I hope I never forget.

Sweet friends, you thought of everything. And, I know I've said it already, but the night was absolutely perfect in every way.

After I bawled my head off on my friend Rebecca's shoulder, I tried to take in every face, every sweet child, every decoration. It was just overwhelming. I just kept thinking "They did all of this for us?! For our sweet boy?!" It was like the party I always wish I could have thrown.

To borrow Nicole's description of the party on her blog, it was the perfect blend of "family, peace, comfort, home..." In fact, when I read her description of what they were hoping to create for us that evening, I cried all over again. Because I could not think of better words to describe what it felt like.

I felt satisfied. I felt comfortable. I felt joyful. I felt honored. I felt at home. I felt so much gratitude.

We ate a delicious dinner...

...homemade lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs, bread, salad, and the MOST delicious {and beautiful} desserts, which Carlie sampled...repeatedly.

And, then began worshipping as our friends led songs, prayed over us, and two sweet boys read scripture.

We showed our Chase video (coming soon to the blog, I promise!) and all cried together at what the Lord has done in our lives in one year. Our own girls LOVED the video, and have watched it countless times since this night...and so have we!

And, then it was time to celebrate with these sweet kids. Everyone headed outside to send Chase his balloons for the evening. That never gets old to me. I love the joy that comes with this tradition.

And, I love these kids so much!

The girls had such a fun evening with their favorite friends, and the activities that were planned for them. Each of these children have helped our girls walk this road as well. We have received cards, pictures, gifts, prayers, and phone calls from each of these precious ones, and they all celebrate Chase and talk about him every time I am with them. Such wonderful gifts for my three girls. :)

They each received a sack full of fun, including a puzzle to complete as a group, and supplies to make a card for a child in Ghana, which they were able to select from this Ghana bird tree.

They worked so hard on these, and I now have a stack of cards to deliver to the sweet kids in Ghana when I go in November!!! That means so much to us AND the kids in Ghana!

My friends, how do I say thank you for all you did? I really feel like I could never say it enough.

You know, when we first began deciding what to do for Chase's Day, I wanted to throw a dinner like this. I wanted to invite everyone who has done so much for us, and celebrate God's amazing blessings. But, I decided it was too much for me to try and do. So, we reluctantly decided not to do it.

And, then, not only did I get to spend an evening with my friends like I had hoped, we were able to celebrate as the guests and not the planners! That means alot to us, and we are so thankful for the SHOWERS of BLESSINGS we received on this evening.

God is so good to provide what we need and want, and not just in small ways, but in absolute abundance.

So, just like a sweater or a candle or a car can bring back instant memories, I know for sure that the sight of these pictures will always bring back memories of peace, love, family, home, and comfort for me. It's just what I needed. :)

New Friends

In the midst of this year anniversary, I have received a wonderful blessing. A friend of ours, Jennifer, let us know a month ago, that a friend of hers had lost her sweet baby boy. As she shared a little bit about this family, my heart was moved, of course, as I was so familiar with the heartbreak this mommy was experiencing.

I sent an email, and began praying....and praying....for Chet and Sarah.

I have been introduced to others throughout this year, who have been through the awful reality of losing a child. And, I always reach out, offering whatever I can to help. Some respond, others do not. Which I totally and completely understand.

But this time, I can already see that the Lord has big plans for our friendship with the sweet Erwins. Sarah's journey---not only with losing her sweet Holden---but also in experiencing the Lord in new ways---reminds me so much of my own road. She is stronger and wiser than I ever was, especially as she has lost her firstborn and only son. That is a heartbreak I do not know. And, I know there is so much pain in that loss, that I can not imagine.

Sarah, you amaze me. You strengthen me. You encourage me. I have no doubt that the Lord is just beginning to write Holden's amazing legacy. And, I wait with great anticipation at what He will do through you and Chet.

Blog friends, I ask you to join me in praying today for the Erwins. Please visit their blog and read their story. And, lift their sweet family up to the Lord. Today marks one month since they held their precious Holden. And, isn't he perfect and precious?

This is an important day, and one I remember so well, as these "markers of time" begin to pass. The experience of living through significant moments without the little one you thought you'd have in your arms, is just heartbreaking.

But, yet in the middle of her heartbreak, Sarah is able to see the Lord's goodness, and His perfect peace that passes our understanding.

Sarah and Chet, we love you guys. We are praying constantly for you. And, we are so glad the Lord has brought us together, even in the midst of pain. He is holding our boys for us until we can see them again, and I love knowing they are together and they are HIS. :) The Lord literally gave me this verse this morning as I was praying. And, I believe it is for our two cuties.

"For I will pour out my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing upon your children. They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams. This one will say "I am the LORD's"...and another will write on his hand, "The LORD's". Isaiah 44:3-5 ESV

Starting with a Sunrise

Mark had the best idea, as we were planning the details of this week (yesterday afternoon! :). As usual, he is just the BEST at handling me and my emotions. And, he always knows what I'm going to need. :)

He knew we needed to start the week with a sunrise, and some prayer time. And, even though it was early, I was so glad we did. It's been such a good day.

We woke the girls up early with the surprise outing...I love those sleepy eyes.

And I REALLY love this girl in her cute frog houseshoes and robe. :)

We found a new sunrise spot and waited to see it appear. As we waited, we shared with the girls our hearts about the significance of this day. I shared with them what it has been like as a mommy over the last year...how I was so sad on this day last year, because I wanted our Chase to be here with us so bad.

But, I also shared how amazing the Lord has been this year in healing our hearts and giving us peace in knowing where Chase is, and that we WILL know him someday.

Abby Kate said "Mommy, Chase is alive in heaven forever!"

He sure is, my little Katers. :)

We read our favorite verses to the girls about LIGHT, and the significance of the sunrise on a day like this. We talked about how God promises to make our "night like noonday" (Isaiah 58) and that in Him "there is no darkness" because He is the "light of the world" (John 9).

We talked about how it feels to live in darkness, and how it feels to live in LIGHT.

We sang songs as we watched the sun brighten the skyline, and I LOVED hearing these girls sing to the Lord.

We are so thankful for the LIGHT of LIFE that He is for us. I just have to stop and breathe in moments like these, because I feel overwhelmingly blessed. (is that even a real phrase?)

Mark, it was the perfect way to start our week. Thank you for leading us the way you do, and for knowing just what I need before I do.

(By the way, this might be my favorite family picture ever. Not because it's our best--but because we took it of ourselves, and we had so much fun trying to fit everyone in. Such great memories...)

After our sunrise devo, we were off to Chick-fil-A to get breakfast! It was our first opportunity to do a CHASE Day surprise! And, it was so much fun!

We were able to give breakfast to the cars waiting behind us, and we enjoyed circling the restaurant and looking at each car, knowing that they would be getting their news in a few minutes. The girls really loved doing this, and we were excited to officially kick off our week of giving back. It's going to be really fun. :)

C.H.A.S.E. Day!

So, this is what we've been waiting for.

And, we're so excited to share it with our friends and family!

Two months ago, we sat down to talk about what we really wanted for Chase's one year celebration. I had the hardest time deciding what I would really need or want once this week was here. Did I want just a small family gathering at home, or did I want to "do it big", celebrating all that God is doing in our lives? We had a few ideas on the "big" side of things (more about that later), but nothing was just sounding perfect.

Then, we asked ourselves, "What is the number one thing that Chase's life has brought to us that we would want to celebrate?"

And, the answer was clear: the blessing of being loved and encouraged by others." As Mark said to friends last night, we have had people taking care of us, not just for 3 weeks, or 3 months, but non-stop for this entire year. And, we have been comforted, encouraged, strengthened, and healed because of it.

So, we instantly fell in love with the idea. We would have CHASE Day as a family!

We would make the day's focus be on serving others, and returning the blessings to so many who have touched us.

We have been able to get our girls involved in the planning, and we have found so many opportunities to give and serve in honor of Chase.

But, wait! There's more. :)

Last year, the act of love that meant the most to us was having so many around the country join us in our balloon release. We had balloons sent up in celebration of Chase's life from multiple states and countries, and were so honored to have so many bless us in that way.

Many of you have asked what you can do this week. And, here's the answer.

Give back! Bless others! Do a random act of kindness! Or, say thank you in a creative way to someone who has blessed your life.

Nothing would honor us or our son more than this.

So, join us for C.H.A.S.E. day! Choose to Honor thru Acts of Service and Encouragement.

We're so excited to get started, and will hopefully be sharing a few pictures of some of our time as a family. We'd love to hear about your experiences too! How great would it be if hundreds of people are blessed or served because of this one little life?

Thank you for once again joining us, as we honor and remember our Chase. May "CHASE Day" be a GREAT day!

This Time Last Year...

As I was getting ready for church this morning, my mind drifted to this same Sunday morning last year...it would be a day that would end up changing my life forever. A day that would begin happy and joyous would end in heartbreak and sorrow.

As we drove to church this morning, I thought about our drive to church last year. I had no idea that my sweet boy, who I had carried, prayed for, planned for, and loved...who I had felt kick and roll countless times, would not kick me again.

As I worshipped this morning, and sang "Blessed Be The Name of the Lord", I thought about that Sunday morning, wondering what my thoughts were as I sang. I remembered my nervousness had already begun, as I tried to sit still enough to feel Chase move. It's all so hazy now.

I try to remember the Chelsea that woke up last year on that Sunday morning. Nothing felt different, but everything was.

I thank the Lord for who this Chelsea is now. He has been so gracious and good to be so gentle with my heart, as He has molded me into a new person. A person who understands loss and pain like never before, but who also understands deep and resounding joy that comes from His hand, like never before.

A song that we sang this morning was the perfect beginning for this week. He truly does bring restoration. He takes our pain, and calls us by a new name. Thank you, Lord.

I've included a video--the only one I could find on You Tube--which is long...no need to watch it all, but the lyrics are even better with the music. (Don't forget to "pause" my playlist at the bottom of the blog first.)

You bring restoration,

You bring restoration,

You bring restoration

To my soul.

You've taken my pain, and called me by a new name.

You've taken my shame, and in its place,

You give me JOY.

You take my mourning, and turn it into dancing.

You take my weeping, turn it into laughing.

You take my mourning, and turn it into dancing.

You take my sadness, and turn it into joy.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, You make all things new...

We Heart San Fran!

Wow, did we have a fun week in California!! On our last day, Mark said "How in the world will you ever blog about this?" I said, "I'm not even thinking about that yet!" There is just too much! As you can tell, we were full of excitement from the FIRST minute, as the plane took off. Carlie's birthday trip was finally here!

Every day in San Fran held a similar routine: Daddy went to work. Meanwhile, Mommy and the girls had "school" in the hotel room for an hour. We would read books about San Francisco, the history of California, or something more specific like redwood trees or the cable car, and they would update their travel journals (where they glued tickets, stickers, etc. and drew pictures of what they learned the day before.

Then the girls watched Sesame Street (still a hit after all these years) while I got packed for the day, and we left the hotel by mid-morning.

We spent every day exploring and learning all we could about San Francisco, its history, boats, oceans, sea life, nature, transportation....the list goes on and on.

We would use some kind of fun form of transportation each day (there are so many to choose from there!),

and would be home around 5:30 to meet Mark for dinner before he would go back to work events for the evening.

Then, we would head to the hotel pool to swim, where the girls made friends from literally all over the world.

We would go back to the hotel room around 8:30 or 9, I would read a few chapters of our read-aloud book (which Abby Kate would sleep through by page 2), and then lights out by 10.

Whew! I was one tired mommy by each night, but it was so worth every minute of fun. The girls were such great ages for this trip, and we felt so blessed to experience SO much in the six days we were there.

But, since we want to remember the fun but not write about it ALL, the girls and I came up with the perfect solution. We're attempting to describe our trip in one or two word phrases, using ABC's and ONE picture for each letter (or maybe two). This is really hard for me...Should be interesting. :)

Our Trip: From A to Z

A is for Alcatraz

B is for Boat Tours

C is for Chinatown

D is for Diablo Mountain Climbing,

Danville, and Daddy's old house

E is for Eating! (our favorite pastime)

F is for Family Time

G is for Golden Gate Bridge

H is for Homeschooling...away from Home!

I is for In-N-Out (Kendyll's first try!)

J is for Jellyfish...and sharks and stingrays!

K is for Keeping us laughing...

L is for Last Night Baseball Fun (cheering AGAINST the Giants!)

M is for Muir Woods

N is for National Park Junior Rangers (three badges in one week!)

O is for On Our Way!

P is for Playgrounds & Parks (the coolest I've ever seen)

Q is for Quarter Collection (18 states and counting!)

R is for Remembering Chase (AK said "hi" to him in the clouds)

S is for Starbucks (daily),

Sisters, (oh come on, you knew I couldn't do ONE sister pic!)

...and Souvenirs

T is for Transportation (of every kind!)

U is for Union Square picnic lunch

V is for Views from the Top

W is for Wildlife (hawks, deer...and penguins)

X is for X-ploring God's Creation

Y is for Yummy Clam Chowder

Z is for Zeum Kids (Dallas needs one...)

And, my favorite picture...

We even found Africa in California. :) We were thinking of you, little one!