We {Heart} Noel

This may be the blog that has caused my three month delay in blogging.  I haven't had the right words.  I haven't been able to even figure out my feelings.  And, I certainly haven't been able to communicate all that is in my crazy heart.

For three and a half weeks, we spent time in Rwanda and Kenya, and watched God fulfill prayers that have been prayed for two and a half years.  We watched as my original dream (literally) came to life, and Gabe was placed in our family in a remarkable way.

It was a time of deep rejoicing.  And, at the very same time, we ached equally as deep for the other children we know in Rwanda who need families so badly.  Who deserve permanent and loving families, and who we know don't have anything close to that right now.

It was the hardest emotional line to walk.  Joy mixed in with grief.  "Orphan no more" mixed with "Orphans still waiting".  And, the thing is, these orphans weren't a nameless group of children to us.  They have names and dreams and prayers and hurts.  And we know some of them and love them.  

 So, for three and a half weeks, we rejoiced, and were beyond thankful for all the people we were meeting, all the leaders who were so supportive, and all the families who befriended us and encouraged us.  It was a time in our family that I will never forget and am forever changed by.  

And, at the same time, in our minds and hearts, we were also looking forward to the drive to Gisenyi.

To see our Noel friends.

Once Gabe's adoption was final, we headed out to see the kids at Noel.  Kendyll and Carlie had been literally asking every day when we would finally be at Noel.  And, Abby Kate said she wouldn't decide if "she loved Rwanda best" until she had met all the kids she had heard so much about. So, we were all ready to finally be there.

But, it was harder than I even realized it would be.  To go with Gabe in my arms, his belly filled, clothes clean, a smile on his face...and to wish with all that is in me, that every child I love there had the same story.  To have a deep sense of belonging, like I saw in Gabe's eyes already.  I still can't put it in words.  I can't explain what that grief feels like.

And, this is where I begin to fumble over words.  Because I am supposed to word it a certain way to not offend or upset.  Or be too dramatic.  Or dwell too much on the hard stuff.

But, it IS hard.  And, there's no easy answer.  And, the thing is, I can't do this without offending or upsetting.  Because it's not okay with me.  Sure, there are many reasons why children don't have loving parents taking care of them.  Sure, some of them have living relatives somewhere who should be.  

But, those of us who know their needs have no excuses.  We just have to be loving them, regardless of the reasons or the excuses or the future plans to sustain them.  

To look in their eyes, and see their big hearts, their JOY, but also their desire to be known and loved.  It's more than I could take this time.

So, yes, there were tears,  And, I'll come back to those later.  Because God used the outpouring in ways only He can. {Thank you, Lord.}

Before we get to that, there is plenty of happiness to talk about too!  Carlie and Kendyll found so many of their precious little friends right away, and the reunions were so sweet.  Mark and I had fun seeing all of our kids too, and we always realize how MUCH we miss them when we're back!

And we had so much fun introducing everyone to Gabe.  They were obsessed with him, and they all just stared and smiled (and some even cried) because they were so happy for all of us.  

Madame Director greeted us all, and loved on Gabe too, as well as the famous Abby Kate, who she didn't get to meet this summer.

I couldn't walk anywhere without 15 people wanting to see who was under my blanket.  :) And, they were SO HAPPY that Gabe had a forever home.  It was a constant question:  "Will he be yours forever?  He is your SON?" Sweetest kids on earth, I tell ya.  And, this is what I realized on this trip.  

We live a really long way away from them.  But, they are our family too.  

They won't live under our roof or share our dinner table, but they have our hearts. {which is why it breaks so easily} And, they have our commitment to never leave them behind.  

And, to always tell them they are special to the One who created them.

.So, I spent some time telling a few of them this.  Some could understand me, and some could not. But, I whispered it anyway.  :)  

Our precious Vestine was so sad and scared.  It broke my heart in a few hundred pieces.

But, I still told her.  She will always be family.  Even from across the world.

I loved watching my girls whisper this love to their little ones too.  Clementine (Kendyll's "baby" from the summer) was quite scared as well.  But, Kendyll was persistent, and she eventually stopped crying by day two.

Kendyll and Sassy Pants, who happens to have the most beautiful smile on earth.

And, all day long, Kendyll searched for Mutoni.  When they finally reunited, there were tears from both.

And, what can I even say about my Abby Kate?  She was right at home here and it actually stopped my heart from beating a few times.  

The girl just fit right in and didn't miss a beat making friends, playing games, and loving on kids.  

She said it was her favorite place to be, and the smile she wore proved it was true.  :)

And, have you ever seen anything cuter than this?

One of our favorite mamas was so excited to meet Abby Kate, and she grabbed the smallest baby in the room (Just a FEW WEEKS OLD!!  YIKES!) and handed her to my 5 year old daughter.  Um, what?  But, AK was so incredibly proud.  And, very very careful.  :)

You might remember from my blogs last summer, how sweet and gentle my Carlie is when she is at Noel.  She just moves so quietly among the kids, touching a face, giving a hug, carrying a toddler, singing a song.  It's a gift she has received from the Lord, and I love watching her pour it out.

She was incredibly sad this trip because her best friend, Bebe, was gone to Kigali.  It took her hours to stop crying.  But, she found many of her other friends to love on instead.

Oh, man, I love having our whole family at Noel.   We don't go because it's "a good thing to do" or because "Jesus told us to".  Sure, it may have started that way.  {And He DOES tell us to.} But, my kids are simply visiting their friends.

There is no feeling sorry for them.  There is no difference to them.  And, they literally can't stand leaving at the end of the day.

We got to go to one of the Noel football games, which was SO fun!  It was great to see them stretching and warming up in their awesome jerseys from The Point Foundation!

And, these boys have got SKILL!!  WOW.

Not to mention their game on the court.  It's steadily improving. :)

I couldn't stop staring at the hills all around us.  This really is the most beautiful place on earth.

Okay, I promised to get back to what God did with our tears over these three days.  

So, when I come back, I'll share about...

1) A 10 minute conversation with Claver and Tara that changed lives and answered prayers in a moment...and how you can help it continue to change lives.

2) No. 41, the sewing school and business, that is BOOMING and amazing and all started by my dear friend, Tara.

3) Babies.  And more babies.  And their needs.

  

4)  God's absolute miraculous RESCUE of some children who satan had in bondage.  It's crazy good.

So much to share, so little time! 

Goodnight for now!