The Comfort of Memories

Before I start the post below, I want to say THANK YOU. I don't even know how many people visited Sarah's blog, or prayed for her, but I know it's been ALOT. Just from comments, emails, phone calls I've received today...I can tell that many of you are praying. I truly appreciate it, and I know Sarah does too. Keep those visits and prayers coming for the Erwins. One thing I forgot to show on the last blog:

This same sweet friend, who is in the midst of deep grief of her own, thought of me, and sent Chase his first "one year" heavenly birthday card this week. (Made my her very crafty sister.) Thank you, Sarah and sweet sister (I need to get your name!), for making my week start off in the absolute best way. Isn't the card cute, with it's little heavenly doves, and Chase's monogram? I love it. It's sitting in the middle of my living room and I just keep smiling. :)

Okay, on to the blog of the evening.

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It has always amazed me how a scent, an image, or even a shirt can bring back SUCH strong memories. As fall begins, it is bringing back strong memories of last year for me. The pumpkins displayed in piles at the doorway of every grocery store, the smell of the candle in my living room, the crisp cool air of the mornings, even the clothes I am pulling down to wear...

It all just makes my head spin and returns me right to this month last year.

The other day I wore a sweater that immediately took me back. It reminded me of my friends, who gave me a night away the week after we lost Chase. It was supposed to be the night of my baby shower. I think they were pretty brave to hang out with me anyway. :)

As I wore this brown sweater, I was back in that night. I remember driving to meet Alyssa at Target first. I remember being nervous because it was my first time to "be in public" without Mark. I remember being worried that someone would ask me if I was pregnant or how many kids I had. I remember being worried that I wouldn't be able to be myself with my friends. I remember seeing Alyssa in Target and all of that just melting away. I remember her sweet spirit taking my mind off what I was thinking about and her familiar hug just making me completely comfortable. And, I remember her gracious ability to not make me feel stupid when I couldn't even remember where the paper towels were kept at Target. (And, actually, she did all my shopping, practically. I couldn't find space in my head to figure out stuff like shopping lists.)

I remember meeting the rest of my friends at dinner, and at first, having that worried, extremely sad feeling that this was all wrong. But, within minutes, I just felt the absolute peace and comfort I needed from the people I loved most.

It's amazing how a sweater can bring all of that with it when it comes off the hanger.

And, it was amazing the other night when a parking lot of cars did the same thing.

We knew we were going to dinner with friends. They had planned it for us to honor Chase and celebrate with our family. I knew it would be emotional. But, cars? Since when do cars make me cry?

But, they did that night. As we drove into the church parking lot, every car represented a family that I love dearly. A family who has walked every single step of this journey with us. A family who has been on their knees in prayer for us, and who have done what we didn't even know we needed--at just the right time. They all have a car full of kids who I also love and have known since birth. So, each car meant so much more than just a car.

And, I told Mark through tears "I love every single one of these cars." :)

Little did I know that crying over cars would not be the only thing that surprised me.

As we were greeted at the door by my sweet, sweet friend Nicole (who already had tears in her eyes too), she said "You have no idea what you're walking into. It's all good. It's all good."

Oh my, was she right.

I walked into this:

A room full of people I LOVE more than I can say on this blog. A room full of brown and blue and sweetness and beauty. Beautifully decorated tables, amazing ideas for the kids, and sweet details that I hope I never forget.

Sweet friends, you thought of everything. And, I know I've said it already, but the night was absolutely perfect in every way.

After I bawled my head off on my friend Rebecca's shoulder, I tried to take in every face, every sweet child, every decoration. It was just overwhelming. I just kept thinking "They did all of this for us?! For our sweet boy?!" It was like the party I always wish I could have thrown.

To borrow Nicole's description of the party on her blog, it was the perfect blend of "family, peace, comfort, home..." In fact, when I read her description of what they were hoping to create for us that evening, I cried all over again. Because I could not think of better words to describe what it felt like.

I felt satisfied. I felt comfortable. I felt joyful. I felt honored. I felt at home. I felt so much gratitude.

We ate a delicious dinner...

...homemade lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs, bread, salad, and the MOST delicious {and beautiful} desserts, which Carlie sampled...repeatedly.

And, then began worshipping as our friends led songs, prayed over us, and two sweet boys read scripture.

We showed our Chase video (coming soon to the blog, I promise!) and all cried together at what the Lord has done in our lives in one year. Our own girls LOVED the video, and have watched it countless times since this night...and so have we!

And, then it was time to celebrate with these sweet kids. Everyone headed outside to send Chase his balloons for the evening. That never gets old to me. I love the joy that comes with this tradition.

And, I love these kids so much!

The girls had such a fun evening with their favorite friends, and the activities that were planned for them. Each of these children have helped our girls walk this road as well. We have received cards, pictures, gifts, prayers, and phone calls from each of these precious ones, and they all celebrate Chase and talk about him every time I am with them. Such wonderful gifts for my three girls. :)

They each received a sack full of fun, including a puzzle to complete as a group, and supplies to make a card for a child in Ghana, which they were able to select from this Ghana bird tree.

They worked so hard on these, and I now have a stack of cards to deliver to the sweet kids in Ghana when I go in November!!! That means so much to us AND the kids in Ghana!

My friends, how do I say thank you for all you did? I really feel like I could never say it enough.

You know, when we first began deciding what to do for Chase's Day, I wanted to throw a dinner like this. I wanted to invite everyone who has done so much for us, and celebrate God's amazing blessings. But, I decided it was too much for me to try and do. So, we reluctantly decided not to do it.

And, then, not only did I get to spend an evening with my friends like I had hoped, we were able to celebrate as the guests and not the planners! That means alot to us, and we are so thankful for the SHOWERS of BLESSINGS we received on this evening.

God is so good to provide what we need and want, and not just in small ways, but in absolute abundance.

So, just like a sweater or a candle or a car can bring back instant memories, I know for sure that the sight of these pictures will always bring back memories of peace, love, family, home, and comfort for me. It's just what I needed. :)