Eight months ago today, I kissed those precious toes. Some days it feels so much longer than a few months ago. Some days I remember his feet so much bigger than this. But...many days, God blesses me with such a strong memory of exactly how Chase's little feet felt in my hands. I remember praying for that memory to last forever. And, He has been faithful to preserve those memories for me.
Oh, these sweet feet. I smile each time I see them with all their precious wrinkles and creases. They represent so much in our lives. So much precious love. These feet have stopped us in our tracks, and made us walk a different way--thank the Lord.
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The other day, Mark called me to come into our bedroom. When I got there, I gasped the same way he had just moments before me. We were both hit with the same image.
It was Abby Kate. She was sleeping very soundly in our bed for her nap. And, it was almost unbelievable. She looked JUST like Chase. Something about the way she held her mouth, and the angle from which we were looking at her nose and eyes.
We both just sat there and stared at her. I felt like the moment was frozen and I was looking at our little boy!
I am so thankful that Chase resembled his sister so much, and that--even in small ways--he is still a part of our daily lives. I love the little ways I am able to imagine what he would look like, and the reassurance of knowing he remains a part of this family in every way. He was one of us.
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We have also been finishing up our home study for the adoption, and the girls were interviewed by our social worker. Their answers to questions about Chase, and about the adoption, just blew me away. Although I didn't hear all that they said, I was sitting nearby during Carlie's interview, and heard Katherine ask her "How did you find out about Chase?" (referring to when they found out he had passed away.) But, Carlie heard the question differently. And, proceeded to tell her---with great joy--about the day she found out that Chase was a boy.
I loved that she wasn't even thinking about how he died, but instead about the joyful day when they found out their baby was a "brother". She told the whole story of us driving down the road with a blue sign and streamers across the car, and of how surprised they were to find out it was a boy.
It made my heart so happy to know that she thought about the good first. I am so thankful that they join us in celebrating the sweetness of Chase, even in the midst of sadness. There is much to celebrate about the time we had him, and I am so thankful that his sweetness is felt.
Chase Allen, we love you, and are thinking of you today. As Abby Kate said in her prayer tonight, "we know you are in heaven with Jesus and God, and we hope you not cry anymore".
"He will lead them to springs of water filled with the water of life, and He will wipe every tear from their eyes." Rev. 7:17
3 comments:
You have no idea how often I think about those sweet feet.
I am so thankful for the life change that has come because of Chase's life...even though I LONG to see him and know him and, undoubtedly, laugh with him, I am so eternally grateful for the worldview I now have because of those itty bitty toes :)
There are so many precious Chase-moments that I will never forget...and the day you found out Chase was a boy is among my favorite. I am so happy that I got to experience that joy with your family :)
Love all of y'all!
oh precious. this whole post is precious. your family is precious.
i loved reading about that moment watching abby kate sleep. i've had that moment with our children, so i can just imagine how precious it would be to see chase in her.
oh, how i want to live life WELL here, but LONG for that beautiful new world. prayers coming for you, chelsea.
your family continues to share Chase's story in incredible ways! thank you for blessing so many and encouraging us to be bold in our faith as you do so. those footprints are beyond precious.
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