Worshipping with Friends

Today was the second week for our family to return to church. And, both times have been a blessing to us. It is wonderful to be back with so many people we love, and who have loved us so incredibly over the last 6 weeks. I was never that worried about returning, really...I knew that we could cry if we needed to, laugh if we felt like it, and share honestly with our sweet friends. And, really, I was craving times of worship with others. So, it was nice to be back, and to receive the hugs, smiles, and encouragement from so many.

A couple of thoughts I have after today:

• This may sound strange, but I was pleasantly surprised at how many people did not feel awkward with us, or wonder how to talk with us today. Besides losing Chase, this new found "awkwardness" has been the most painful part of this road for me. To know that it is now more difficult to talk with me, or be my friend than it used to be is very hard. I have felt at times that I'm now causing people's moods to change when I walk in the room. Or, that now my friends and family have to think twice before they say something "wrong". I even wonder what I have missed in my relationships because others don't want to share happy things or sad things with me, just in case it's "too much" for me. I have shed many tears because I don't want things to be different...yet, I know they are. But, I am thankful that the Lord has guided so many of my conversations with others, and taken care of those worries, as He always does. So many have rushed across the room to us, instead of staying in the corner not sure what to say. Many just offered their hugs, assured us they were praying daily, and told us how glad they were to see us. That was the perfect thing to say to make us feel right at home again. Thank you to each one of you for not shying away from us, and instead continuing to be the hands and feet of Jesus to our family. :)

• As I looked around the service this morning, I was overwhelmed with emotion, not necessarily because of grief. It was because I truly know--with all of my heart--that these people I am worshipping with are truly walking with us down this road of pain and healing. We have never felt such love and support, that is seemingly unending! As a friend said today, we have an army of prayer warriors who are walking right alongside us daily. Oh, the blessings in knowing that and feeling that! It is an honor for us. It brings me to tears, but they are sweet tears of thanksgiving.

• It is so wonderful to hear how Chase's little life has influenced others. We never could have dreamed that the Lord would use our little boy in such mighty ways already. We prayed from the minute we found out he was a boy that he would "change the world and be a leader for the Lord". Who knew it would be in this way? We continue to find out more ways that others are honoring his life by helping others. And, we are humbled and amazed. Two more children have been sponsored this weekend, and we have heard of other organizations for children that have been supported in Chase's name. Praise God!!

• As I looked around church today, thanking God for taking care of us through people sitting around me, I also was struck by a thought: Every one of us is on a road that includes struggle, and no matter the issue at hand, God is always faithful. Just in the area where we sat, I saw so many friends who are on their own road of healing, who have also faithfully stood beside us on ours. I saw a family who has endured two heart surgeries for their twins. God has been faithful. I saw a family who suffered from infertility for years, and now have their hands full of babies. God has been faithful. I saw a family who has had two premature babies in a row, who are now both healthy and beautiful. God has been faithful. I saw another friend whose premature baby, born at only one pound, turned FIVE today. God has been faithful. I saw a friend who is walking down the road of breast cancer with such grace and beauty. God is faithful. I saw a friend who has been diagnosed with another ugly disease, but who stands and fights against it with such strength. God has been faithful. The list could go on and on. God is faithful always. And, I am so thankful to be in a community of believers who help each other walk these different roads. Where would we be without you all? Thank you, God, for giving us each other.

• Lastly, Mark and I have been talking all afternoon about the way God is using so many different ways to get our attention and speak to our hearts about His calling for our lives. Gordon, as we told you today, your sermon was yet another way God is speaking right to us. It was fantastic, and I can't wait to see what is ahead for our family, as we have had no choice but to let go of our plans and wait on His. We are ready to watch Jesus surprise us with His "hole in the roof" ideas. And, there's no other place I'd rather be than at His feet in full surrender. :)

• My last thought before I close tonight. Today was my official due date. Since I've never actually made it to my due date, it hasn't been a hard day in that way. I think two weeks ago was hardest because I know that was a more accurate "due date" for me. But, today marks the end of the weekly counting of how pregnant I "would have been". So, in a way, that is hard. Tonight also marks SIX weeks since we received the news that Chase had passed away. So very hard to believe. Five weeks and four days ago, we wrote this letter to be shared at his balloon celebration. So, on this night, six weeks later, I want to share it with you. It already means more now than it did then...

Our sweet baby Chase,

We are so proud to be called your Mommy and Daddy, and we stand amazed at the impact your life has had on so many in your short life. We know you are a sweet baby blessing from the Lord, and we celebrate the precious gifts He has given us through you! We thank God for the sweet memories we have with you: The moment we found out about our surprise addition, telling your sisters they would have a baby to take care of, the first time we heard the words "It's a Boy!", every sweet kick and tummy roll you performed for your Daddy and sisters, the vision of your precious button nose, and the softness of your tiny hands and feet. These are all moments we will treasure forever and will keep in our hearts always.

Your Mommy and Daddy, sisters, and extended family are forever changed because of you, Chase, and commit to honoring you with our lives and our love for others. Our sweet baby boy, we look forward to the day when we hold you again and get to see your playground in heaven! We miss you so much already, it hurts. But, we know Who holds you while we can't, and He is holding us too!

We love you to heaven and back!

Your Mommy and Daddy