Things that make me happy...

First, let me thank my very cute guest blogger. :) I can't even tell you how many times he has started a blog entry in the last three weeks only to delete it. I know the feeling. Words aren't enough sometimes. I'm so thankful for your passion, Mark, and I literally wait in expectation to see what the Lord is planning to do with it. Come back anytime and write a while. :)

So, I've been thinking of sharing some things that are making me happy right now, starting with the somewhat superficial...

1) Coffee. For over three weeks, I've had one of these almost every single day.

I'm not even a huge coffee drinker, but the comfort of a Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte is now officially an addiction. And it's even better when I get to have a piece of their pumpkin bread with it. And, no, the calories DO NOT count. :)

On the fifth or sixth day in a row of asking Mark to please get it for me and quickly (I was sobbing at the time), I said "I'm sorry, I don't know why it makes me feel better. I know it costs way too much to do this every day." His response was "If this makes you feel better, you can have one every day for as long as you need it." I think he might be regretting that comment, now that we're adding Starbucks into the monthly budget. :) The "Cinnamon Chelsea Latte" , as I have named it, has been held in my hand during many a comforting conversation with friends, at home late at night with my husband, or all alone as I talk things over with my God. So, in some weird way, it is just a peaceful drink for me. Uh oh. I'm kind of needing one as I type!

2) Fall.

Fall has always been my favorite season, and ironically, the girls and I always decorate on October 1st. This year, I spent that day in the hospital, and really thought we would skip the decorations all together this year. I just wasn't feeling the love for my favorite season. But, at the girls' insistence, we did decorate last week. And, even as I was unloading the orange storage boxes, my heart got heavier instead of lighter...at first. But, now, our house is adorned with fall colors and the familiar decorations of years past, the weather is cooling, and I find comfort in it.

3) Chase Utley.

I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I have been actually watching this last week. Partly because the Dodgers have been in the playoffs (Mark's favorite team his WHOLE life), and partly because I've been watching Chase Utley. This was the first person Mark thought of when I read the name "Chase" from the baby name book and he was the reason Mark was convinced that this would be a good name for our son. He was MVP, which meant our son would be guaranteed to be good at baseball too. And, even though I knew nothing of him then, I now get excited every time Chase is up to bat. :) Even though he beat the Dodgers this last week, which was NOT a good thing in our house. But, I told Mark that it shouldn't be as sad because they were beat by Chase's name sake. He {kind of} agreed.

4) Music. I am GREATLY enjoying my music right now. Not surprising, since songs are the best therapy and one of my favorite ways to worship. A few are included on the playlist here on my blog, but many of them are newly discovered favorites that I have already worn out on my iPod. This morning, I listened to Selah for hours and the tears did flow. However, they weren't sad tears. They were tears of praise for a God who was the same God before our loss, but who feels so much closer to me now. If you don't already listen to Selah, Chris Tomlin, Nichole Nordeman (you know I had to throw her in there), David Crowder Band, or, a new favorite, Kari Jobe (thanks Cortni for that new addition!)....go download some. There is nothing like the way a song can speak to your heart and say the words that you couldn't quite think of...

5) Thoughtful gifts. I could do a really long blog JUST about the thoughtful gifts we've received. A sweet, tiny oak tree waiting to grow big and strong for years to come. Donations to children's homes and children's hospitals. Donations to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. All done in honor of Chase, to help others. Beautiful plants and flowers. Delicious comfort food. A cd of wonderful music. The girls have received so many thoughtful things from their friends, including their own flowers, cards, and care packages. I have received very special jewelry that will forever remind me of my son. We've received financial gifts that will help us build memories of Chase both inside and outside our home. And, just this week, we got this little guy:

I can not BELIEVE that Willow Tree decided to make a figurine JUST for us. :) Seriously. It could not be more perfect. A little boy, holding a balloon that says "hope". The phrase attached to the box was "Hope Lifts Us Up". Amen!! Thank you Dad and Kay. This little boy is sitting happily in our living room, and makes us smile.

6) My Blessing Ring. Another one of God's amazing gifts to us during this time has been abundant amounts of encouragement, especially through stacks of handwritten cards. To say we re-read them often is an understatement. I have come to know whose card is whose just from the outside cover...that's how often I pore over the words you have all shared with us.

What I also love about my cards, is the sweet way they are displayed, thanks to Steph, Nicole, and company. :) Thank you for being blog-browsers in the early days of our loss to find the perfect gifts for our family. We love our blessing ring, as a place to keep all the cards that truly remind us of just that: We are blessed. (And, this isn't even ALL the cards. I have to get a second ring because the first one weighs too much!!)

7) The laptop. As in, Mark's laptop...I've been using it ALOT . As I spend more time blogging, checking emails from friends, and searching for a few things I'm needing right now, I'm also realizing how nice it is to have a portable computer while I sit on the couch, lay in the bed, or sit outside in the sunshine, as I'm doing right now! Too bad he has to use it for work all day, and only shares at night! We're getting one for me very soon though...like maybe this weekend. :) Our big old fashioned home computer is going bye bye, and not a moment too soon. The poor thing has been with us a long time and is just tired out.

8) Chase's Room. Sometimes I think it's strange that I like his room as much as I do. I thought it would be a hard place to see after he was gone. But, I love being in there. I love being as close as I can be to where he would have lived in our house. I love seeing what we bought for him and I love the colors of his room. It is a peaceful place to me. Not that I haven't cried buckets of tears in that room. But, it's still a wonderful place.

With that said, I'm not sure how long we'll leave it. At what point does it become "crazy"? Right now, it feels like it should stay like it is forever. I'm sure there will be a point where the room will change...either from necessity, or because we're finally able to do it. But, for now, that's hard to imagine. We all still call it "Chase's room", even the girls. The other day, Abby Kate took a bath in his bathroom, and when Kendyll asked Carlie where Abby Kate was, Carlie said "In Chase's bathroom". I smiled. :)

There is still a laundry basket full of unfinished projects I was working on for his room. It is in my closet floor and I don't really know why. There was artwork I was doing for his walls that are still in the garage floor. I feel a little bit paralyzed on those things. I don't know what to do now. So, instead of making decisions, I just keep it all right where it is. I'm sure when it's time, it will come to me...

9) Chase's Corner. I love that area, and find myself catching glimpses of it out my windows. I will love it even more when we have finished it. :) We're still looking for the right birdbath (Erica, I DO want your website!), brightly painted ceramic pots, and especially for a handpainted memory plaque/tile/stone of some kind. If you know someone who can do a happy, childlike, custom stone for us, please let me know! The other day, I loved watching the girls play in his garden, sitting on the bench talking, and closely inspecting the flowers they planted. (And, yes, they were in their PJ's all day.)

10) Feet. Many of you know I'm not really a "feet" person. But, the thing I'm loving the most of all these days, are these feet:

Is there anything in the world more precious? I miss kissing those toes so much it hurts. But, as I've said before, we're so grateful to at least have the beautiful pictures of his sweet, precious, perfect feet. I'd prefer the real thing...but they're so real I could touch them when I look at these pictures...and I do everyday. :)

I can't wait to share more of these beautiful pictures with you all. We're just days away from that, friends! Amber...words are not enough. They are beautiful to us.

So, there's 10 things I'm loving right now. Thank you, Lord, for the sweet spots in my days.

"...and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting JOY will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." Isaiah 35:10