I love looking back and seeing how God keeps changing me. He's so patient, really, with my heart that continues to wander. It has been a slow journey. But, He's continuing to make some progress in my old soul.
I'm not really one that loves the unknown, typically.
But, what I love is that God has slowly taught me to rest in it. I think this has come over time, as He has proven to me that He works His most amazing miracles in my life when I've been right smack in the middle of the "unknown".
And, this is the thing: I'm finally starting to realize that it's in the NOT-knowing, that the ALL-Knowing can take me on the most wild and exciting ride---and it's exciting not because I know what is coming next, but because I don't have to!!
Three days later, I landed in Rwanda, a dream come true, but never expecting what would come from that trip.
(This will forever be one of my favorite pictures, hours after we landed in Rwanda, where I was already crying and crying, because it felt like home. Powerful moment for me...and I got to cry in my {delicious Rwandan} food with one of my favorite people in the world. :)
I didn't know then that I would love it like I did. Or, that it would feel like home so quickly. I fell in love with the land, the hills, the beauty. But, even more so, with the people, the children, the orphans, and the great sense of family, even among those who have none to call their own.
{Vestine at 4 months old, when I first beheld her beauty :) }
I look back at texts I sent Mark in early January, and I smile. God was doing a new thing in us, yet again, but it was all completely unknown. 2011 was going to be a good year, I felt it in my bones even then. Even though I had no idea what the rest of the year would bring, the Lord was giving me a tiny inkling---a little whisper---of what He had planned. Not enough to plan for, but just enough to rest in.
"I'm a crying mess. But it's all for good reason. I just get overwhelmed by what God is doing with us." - text on Jan. 8
"Didn't get to tell you everything tonight, but I think God may be presenting our next project and it's an awesome one...Just dreaming, of course, but we need to start praying. Can't wait to see what God will do next!" - text on Jan. 11
And, here we are, exactly a year later, and are able to look back at the story God is just beginning to weave. Mark returned to Rwanda two months later, in March of 2011, and we returned with our first His Chase trip of 40 volunteers (including our children!) in July.
His Chase projects were begun and trips were planned, projects were finished and trips were completed. Our hearts broke in new ways for His children who deserve so much more than they have. And new children became our own, even though they live a continent away. Our hearts will never be the same.
Our family has changed.
Our children have changed.
Our marriage has changed.
Our faith has changed.
And, no, it wasn't all while in Africa. There's a whole lot that happens in the daily living of life that changes us too. He has been faithful to us in both.
And, I think this is important to note: This doesn't mean it was a perfect year. There were lots of junky days. Lots of days that I wasn't a good mommy, or a good friend, or a good listener to what the Lord was telling me. Lots of days of doubts, or worry, or wonder about what God could possibly be thinking! And lots of days where the struggle between what I wanted and what I knew had to be were downright painful.
And none of it we knew anything about last year at this time.
Whether it was in a foreign country, in the middle of homeschool, or on a vacation with family, He was constantly surprising us, and using even the hard times to show us His bigger plan.
And, it makes me more excited than I can stand, as we enter 2012!!
What will it be this year, God? How will you change us even more? How will you stretch us? Grow us? Open our eyes to Your will and Your ways? How will you even use our disappointments and our struggles and our bad days to bring glory to You?
Will it be new projects, new trips, new opportunities to fall in love with orphaned children we don't know yet? (Please, Lord!) Will it be adding to our family through the miracle of adoption, after years of praying? (Let it be so!!) Will we get to return to Ghana and Rwanda, to shower love on those we miss and love? (Ready to GO!) Will it be a new ministry that we don't even know you are forming in us now? (We're saying yes!)
Whatever it looks like, we are so excited for 2012. And, the most fun part of all is that we have no idea why! Only God knows what is ahead, but it feels like new things are on the horizon, and we are waiting with great expectation!
So, I don't really have big resolutions again this new year. I just have one goal. To be comfortable in the unknown. To be okay with seeing only one little step in front of me at a time. Because after all those little steps, I'll be able to look back---NO MATTER WHAT---at the end of this year and say "God was faithful to lead us!"
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning." Ps. 130
"For still the vision awaits its appointed time...if it seems slow, wait for it. It will surely come, it will not delay...the righteous shall live by faith."
And, I thought this was so perfectly timed, read at just the right time, in Streams in the Desert this morning:
"This is the blessed life---not anxious to see far down the road nor overly concerned about the next step, nor eager to choose the path nor weighted down with the heavy responsibilities of the future, but quietly following the Shepherd, one step at a time."
Bring it on, God! We're ready for 2012: A New Year of Unknowns!!!
1 comment:
Beautifully said. Life truly is in the stillness and wonder. I am so excited to see what God will do with your YES!
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