God and His Big Ideas

So...this kind of feels like it did this time last year, as I stare at the blank blog page, not sure where to begin.

Mark has asked me for two days when I was going to blog, and I have felt overwhelmed at the idea. Not because I don't want to share, but because I don't know where to start.

How do I sum it up? How do I begin to share the deep gratitude I feel that literally makes tears spill out of my eyes every time I think about what we have received this week?

How do I describe in words how God has come near to me? How do I tell you all the little ways He made Himself known---I mean REALLY known---this week?

How do I share what it means to me that so many have blessed countless others this week, in the most giving, creative, joyful ways?

How do I share all the stories, all the testimonies?

I know I never possibly could. But, I have prayed, yet again, as I have begun to type...for the Lord to make my words clear, and my heart able to express what is literally spilling over from inside me.

Wow. What a great problem to have. To try and find a way to share how overwhelmed we feel by the love...

So, since I don't know where to start, I'll start with God and His big ideas.

About two months ago, on a Sunday afternoon, I had what I like to call a "freakout". Now, these are not uncommon for me (just ask my husband or my sisters), and they usually involve a little bit of crying (ha) and general feelings of being overwhelmed. This day, the freakout came because I began to think about the upcoming one year anniversary of losing Chase, but also about how much God has done in a year. So many good things!

But, my frustration came as I started to try and plan what I wanted this week to be. And as hard as I tried to determine the perfect way to mark this day, I just felt frozen. I told Mark that I didn't really know what I needed. I had no picture in my head of how it should look. How would I know what would be best? I also felt like everything I thought of required too much planning, or too much work, and I didn't want that to become the focus for me (which easily happens when you're a "planner" like me!).

So, we talked through it. I called my sisters. I called my friends.

And, then, I called on the Lord. (Why does it always take us talking to everyone else first, before we do that?!)

I just laid our plans before Him, and asked Him to make it what it needed to be. We wanted it to glorify Him, help us celebrate what He has done, honor Chase, and be what we needed emotionally...which is something I never know until I'm right there in it.

Mark asked me the perfect question: "What is the biggest blessing we have to celebrate this year? Because that's what we need to focus on." And, after discussing our answer, it was clear. We decided to make Chase's day all about giving back to those who have blessed us and sharing God's goodness with those who are in need. I know you already know all of this.

But, what you may not know, is all the ideas we had besides that.

First, we really discussed hosting a night of worship on September 30th. There are so many songs that have healed my heart and provided words for what I have experienced. I wanted an evening with family and friends, just worshipping and praising God....and I wanted Jaron to lead it. :) Of course, we decided that it was too hard to coordinate and had too many logistics to work out. So, we let it go.

But, God didn't.

Last week, sitting in church just days before, we heard that a night of worship had been planned by the church staff for September 29th. What?! I told Jaron later that this worship time he was planning was God's gift JUST for me. And, oh my goodness, I had no idea then how true that would be!

Every song spoke to my heart. And, the Lord was SO CLOSE to me that night. Chris Seidman had us pray through a passage of scripture. And, of course, it was Isaiah 43, where Chase's life verse is found. As Chris read CHASE'S LIFE VERSE on that stage---not having any idea the significance of that passage---I just wept. I knew that God was saying to me "I know you, Chelsea. I know what you needed. And, I provided it. I see you. I love you. And, I love your boy." I was so amazed by the whole evening. It was truly a night of worship like I have never experienced, (especially as we celebrated our friend Chip's miraculous healing that day as well!) and as I told Jaron and Chris the next day, I will never ever forget that night.

Mark prayed with me for a long time, and as we prayed, we heard the words of sweet songs being sung that have blessed us and healed us. I could not contain the tears. They just streamed down my face, my neck, and on to my shirt. THAT's how moved I was. THAT'S how good God is. And THAT'S proof that He listens and cares and has BIG ideas. He gave me the night of worship I was hoping for. Without any planning on my part. :)

And, it didn't stop there.

Our other "big idea" that we had months ago was to bring Selah, the Christian group who has also meant the world to me in the last twelve months, for a concert. We had great visions of raising money for His Chase, celebrating with songs we loved from Selah, and blessing our family and friends with this great experience on Chase's Day.

Well, once again, we decided it was too much effort. As much as we wanted to see them, we didn't have the funds or the time to dedicate to pulling it off. So, we just decided to do it some other time.

And, then we find out God's up to something again.

Two days after CHASE Day, Selah was scheduled to perform at the Christian Works for Children Auction, which we attend every year! When we received the email from our friend (who knew of this original plan of ours), we were blown away. So Saturday night, October 2nd, we got to sit at the feet of a group that I adore---not only for their amazing voices, but for the similar road they have walked before. I again had tears streaming as I sang along to the songs that have literally changed my life.

And, it gets better. I had the opportunity to talk with Selah after the show, and told them how much it meant to me that they sang I Will Carry You and Unredeemed.

During the concert, they asked anyone who had lost a child to stand up, and then sang the song that has been played countless times in our house for the last year. As I was telling them that I feel like they sang that just for me, Todd Smith said "We weren't even going to sing that. We just decided to do it right before we went out there because we just felt like we were supposed to." I said through tears, "That's because God knew I needed it. It was JUST for me." And, I do believe that. I felt God's gentle voice again, just telling me "Enjoy this, Chelsea. I planned it just for you."

So, you would think that would be enough. But, apparently it wasn't.

The last "big idea" we had for Chase week, was always said rather flippantly, because we knew it would never happen. When Mark asked what I wanted to do on Chase's birthday, I told him I wanted to hug the kids in Ghana for the whole week. We joked about just taking off and spending the week in Ghana instead of here. But, again, we KNEW that wasn't an option.

But, on September 30th, about 1:00 in the afternoon, Pam Cope called my cell phone. She tells me that she thinks the best way for me to spend my afternoon on Chase's birthday, is to come to her house to love on Emmanuel, who was HOME with his forever family, from Ghana!! I was SO excited. This is Emmanuel, in case you've forgotten his precious, adorable, smiling face from our trip in July.

And, this is me ON CHASE DAY...loving on a child who I would NOT know if it wasn't for Chase.

And, even better than that, I got to watch my children love on Emmanuel too! On the way to Pam's house, Kendyll let out a squeal and said "Mommy, I can't BELIEVE it! I'm going to really meet Emmanuel?! I feel like you did when you went to Ghana. It's like he's my best friend, but he doesn't even know me." Oh, sweet girl, I know the feeling so well. They know these kids by name, by face, and by personality, even though they've never met them. And, to watch them hug on Emman, ride scooters with him in the front yard, and eat popsicles like they've known each other all their lives, was just amazing.

Oh my goodness, I don't have the words for what that blessing felt like.

Once again, could God have planned ANYTHING more perfectly? It was almost unbelievable.

(And by the way, isn't it a miracle that little Emmanuel...who was FOUR when he was rescued from slavery on Lake Volta, is now living with his beautiful forever family in Oklahoma? They've been together for two weeks, and Emman looked SO good. Here is his beautiful Mommy, Audrey. She was another blessing in my day for sure!)

Of course, Mark didn't get to be there for this reunion, and I was so sad that he didn't get to give his love. (He was at home getting ready for our whole family to come over for dinner!)

So, here comes God again. Doing what He does best. Showering us with the unexpected.

The day after I saw Emmanuel, we walked into the hotel where the auction and Selah concert was being held on Saturday night. We were 20 minutes late, and in the wrong lobby. And, who is standing there getting ready to leave for dinner? Emmanuel and his entire family.

Needless to say, there was a slow-motion run from one end of the hotel lobby to the other as Emmanuel embraced Mark. (and rubbed his head. :)

Yes, God had another big idea. He never ceases to amaze me.

I still can't even believe we ran into them...and that we were there in perfect timing to see all of these people who we love. All of these people who we now get to partner with in rescuing and taking care of kids in Ghana.

All of these people who I might never have known, had God not given us Chase exactly as He did.

Oh, my. There are so many more blessings. There are so many more stories. There is so much more to say. In the next post. :)

But, the final thing I will say, is to feel God's blessing like we have this week, is one of the most humbling experiences in my life. To know that the God of the Universe took the time to show us...not just once...but practically every day of this whole week...how much He loves us and knows us and is lavishly pouring His love on us. There are no words.

Actually, an elder's wife at church on Sunday said it perfectly, as she hugged me with tears in her eyes. Sunday morning, Chris briefly shared our story of God sending His word to us during the worship on Wednesday. And, she said, "That story brings tears to my eyes. Because YOU, Chelsea, are blessed and have found favor with the Lord."

Oh, God. Thank you for the blessing. Thank you for coming near to us. Thank you---that even though we don't deserve ANY of it---You find ways to shower your favor on us.

I will never forget it, Lord. I will never stop sharing YOUR story of redemption, joy, healing, and blessing that You have given our family.