CHASE Day is here!!

My sweet Chase,

Today's your day!! Do you know how much your sisters have been waiting for CHASE day? We have been counting down to it during our calendar time each morning. In fact, Abby Kate learned to write your name during our countdown times.

They love you so much, precious boy. They celebrate you every single day in our home, by talking about you, by asking questions about you, and by telling other people about "their brother who lives in heaven".

You are one of us, Chase. You always will be.

What I love most of all, is that none of this is celebrated with sadness in your sisters. It's as if they just know for sure you are their brother, and they just have to wait a little bit to get to play with you.

Tonight, Abby Kate was SO excited to celebrate "one year for Chase" tomorrow. She picked out a giant "#1" balloon for you with sports balls all over it. Daddy caved and let her get it for you. She was excited to show me and said "Tomorrow, Chase will be ONE! He never was zero, but now he will be one in heaven!!"

Oh, these precious moments we still get to have with our family make me so proud.

And, do you know what is happening today, little one?

People everywhere are blessing others because of you.

I've already heard story after story of what people are doing to honor your little life, and nothing could make me prouder as your mommy. Yesterday, I heard that another child was sponsored through Compassion because of you. I heard stories of families feeding the homeless, visiting shut-ins, or blessing those they work with or work for.

Chase, you are changing the world, one little life at a time, and I am so thankful for that. We thank God that He has been so gracious to us, to give us a wonderful legacy for your life. And, we promise to never let it be about us, Chase. Your life is all about Him. Your life is all about blessing others who matter most to Him.

Your sisters, your daddy, and I have spent this whole week focused on the blessings that have come from you. They are countless. We have spent time looking at your baby things from the hospital, and of course looking at your pictures. We have also read so many scriptures that the Lord has given us over the last year, to give us comfort and healing. Even as I look back at a year ago, when I first held you, and my sorrow was so incredibly deep...I still see His gentle hand leading me, comforting me, and healing the empty places.

Every day this week, we have found ways to bless others, and it has been SO much fun! We have found such JOY in honoring you this way, and every time we do another little act of kindness, we say as a family "HAPPY CHASE DAY!!"

Oh, sweet boy. I never thought I could be so proud of you a year ago. I was so lost then. So confused about how you would fit into our family. But, you know, the Lord knew all along. He knew the GREAT and AWESOME plans He had for your life...not your life on earth, but the gift of LIFE you would give to me, your daddy, and hundreds of others.

In so many ways, I grieved for what I lost last year, when I lost you. I cried and cried because I didn't know what your eyes looked like...what your personality would be like...or what sport you would have played.

But, I can say with utmost confidence, that God has been so good to me in that pain. He has granted me a peace I can't describe about who you are. Chase, I DO know you. I know what you are like...because of what you have shown me. I know what is important to you...because of what I have learned from you.

I may not know what your laugh would have sounded like or what your hug would feel like, but I imagine it all the time. Because I know you're laughing in heaven. And, I know I will hug you forever someday.

We just have to wait. A little longer, precious boy.

Until then, know that you are missed and loved and celebrated every single day in our home. You have changed us forever. Your Daddy prayed last night the same prayer he prayed almost one year ago, "God, don't let us ever go back to normal." We welcome the changes He has made in us through you, and we can't imagine life without you. :)

I love you so much, Chase Allen.

All the way to heaven and back,

Your PROUD Mommy