Carlie's Dream

If you're just tuning in, we're remembering Chase's six month birthday this week, so I'm sharing my thoughts a little at a time all week. Come back for more about our sweet boy in coming days (and also for a sweet giveaway that I'm VERY excited about!)

This last Saturday morning, Carlie bounced into my bathroom, telling me she had the best dream ever that night.

"There were lots and lots of flowers that sparkled all over and were shiny on green hills with rainbows in the sky!" (Carlie's perfect world, really.)

I told her that it sounded beautiful and that it was certainly a great dream!

Then, she said "And, Chase was playing on a cloud there. He was wearing a light blue baby boy outfit."

(Now, a little background info: Carlie and I had gone shopping a couple of days before this. Throughout the day, I kept noticing all the CUTE spring boy stuff, and it kept making my heart a little bit sad...especially when it had cute girl stuff to match it. :) So, eventually, I just said to Carlie "You know, Chase would have looked so cute in that, and I sure wish he was here to wear it!" She stared at this cute little blue and yellow plaid shirt and navy pants that I was pointing at, and smiled. She agreed that it was cute, and wanted to know which one would have fit him right now. So, I held up the 6 month size, and we giggled about if he would have been big and fat like Kendyll had been or tiny and petite like Carlie and Abby Kate. Throughout the day, this became Carlie's favorite thing to do. She would find two baby boy outfits and show them to me, asking me which one Chase would have worn. I would pick my favorite and we'd both smile. It was really a precious time for us. We talked alot about him that day, and I really think Carlie pictured him in the clothes. Because she talked about his features quite a bit.)

So, back to the dream.

Carlie told me that he was wearing "the baby blue outfit from the mall" in her dream. And, I knew exactly which one she meant.

I stared at her a minute, and then said "Carlie, I think you were dreaming about heaven!!"

She just beamed. Then, gave a Carlie giggle and bounced up and down.

"I was! I was!" I could tell she was so happy to have had a glimpse---in her own way---of what heaven must be like for her baby brother.

Over the last couple of days, she has brought that dream up a number of times, and we have talked alot about what we know heaven will look like.

Today, at our special lunch for just the two of us (at Taco Bueno, of course!), we were talking about Chase's birthday tomorrow. She once again mentioned the dream, and what Chase was wearing and what he looked like. It is amazing what a vivid picture of him she has always had.

But, then she said "Umm, Mommy. I don't know if I really dreamed that or not. I am not really sure. Because, I just kind of think about that all the time. The flowers on the hill and the rainbows and Chase on the cloud. So, I might not have been dreaming that. I don't know."

It was cute. I think she has daydreamed about it as well. So, she was just trying to clarify with me that she might not have dreamed it in her sleep.

Either way, I don't really care. I just love discussing our sweet Chase so naturally and so lovingly with my five year old big girl.

She loves him SO much, even though she never held him or met him. It's what hurts the deepest sometimes. I watch her with babies and I just know that they would have had such a special bond.

But, through the sparkly flowers and clouds, I guess they still do. :)