A New Year

2009 will forever be etched in our minds and our hearts for so many reasons. I pray that I never forget the nearness of my God, and His gentle guiding Hand in my life through every turn.

2009.

There were times of celebrations and times of mourning. Times of worry and times of peace. Times of heartache and times of heartbursting joy. And, I will never forget any of these "deepest valleys and highest mountaintops", as my sister said on her blog. One of my favorite quotes from Nichole Nordeman's song, Sunrise, is: "But every shadow is evidence of sun...How would I know morning if I knew not midnight?" How would we know deep joy if we never experienced sorrow? And, how can I question my God for what is not right in my life, without questioning all that is right in my life? He gives and takes away. And, He has blessed us beyond measure. And, that is what I take from last year...

2010 will be a great year of hope and promise for our family, and we look forward to seeing what awaits as we turn this corner. We have so much to share about where God is taking us, and I promise we will do that very soon. It's been amazing, I tell ya.

For now, I know one thing. I don't want to be the same person at the end of this year. I want to be changed. I want to be new. I want more of what God has planned for me, and less of what I think I need. I want to be "all in", as Mark prayed last night.

Yesterday, this song came on my playlist and it summed up exactly what my prayer is:

I Wanna Be Moved

by Ginny Owens

I don't wanna be a flame

I wanna be a raging fire

Tired of my will, my way,

Your calling's higher!

Oh, I know it's time to stop running from the truth

So I'll stand here still, until I'm filled

I wanna be moved

I wanna be moved by You!

Wanna be a rebel with a Holy cause,

Stand against the devil and hold up my cross,

You have a mission for me; a reason why I'm here,

To radiate your glory, with sweet songs to your ears...

This year, instead of making resolutions (yes, I'm one of those who usually does...), I'm copying someone else's idea (can't remember who!) of reducing those goals down to ONE word. What one word would describe this new year?

Our whole family did this last night. Mark said DISCIPLINE. Kendyll said CONSCIENTIOUS. Carlie said PRAISING. Abby Kate said SHARING (with help from sisters).

For someone who is usually "quite wordy", this one-word thing came surprisingly easy for me.

SURRENDER.

I stink at it. But, I so want to surrender myself, my plans, my time, my wishes, my control, my weak spirit, my fears.

And, I don't say those things lightly. I have prayed over each item in that list I just rattled off, and will keep lifting this to the Lord as I struggle. It's hard. Every day I fail at it. I am not a person who naturally "surrenders" my control, or my plans. But, I have realized now more than ever that His way IS better. I know that to the depths of my soul.

His way is not my way. His thoughts are not my thoughts. Many times they don't even make sense from where I stand. And for that reason, what else can I do but surrender to the One who does make sense of it all? And, why wouldn't I want to have Him leading this whole thing called life, rather than me? So, I am going to try every single day to lay it all down---and I pray that through my surrender, I will be "a raging fire" for His purposes.

I know I'm too weak to make this happen on my own. But, I also know that He wants each one of us in this place of full surrender, so He can work His will in our lives. So, I will keep leaning on Him to help me do this. One baby step at a time.

So...Happy New Year to each of you. And, if you need some reading material for January, please pick up the book that has inspired my "one word resolution": Dangerous Surrender, by Kay Warren.

Then, hold on tight. Because once we do surrender, He takes us places we never thought we'd go...and fast.