Sisters

Long blog to follow....just a warning. Only proceed if you're family and you really care to read a while.

In my family growing up, there was an important phrase that was repeated so often that we still say it without effort many years later: "Chelsea's not Cortni, and Cortni's not Cassie, and Cassie's not Cailee, and Cailee's not Chelsea" (etc.etc.). Sisters, I'm sure you joined right in with me as you read it! Although this has now become a joke with us because it was shoved in our brains SO much, it actually has deep meaning to our family. As four sisters, there was a huge risk that we would spend alot of our time comparing ourselves to each other. Comparing each others' successes, personalities, body types, friends, boyfriends, school grades, and experiences. But, something that my parents were so intentional about, even since our early years, was making sure we knew we were unique, special, created with a specific purpose, and different than our sisters were. I truly believe that because my parents 1)always told us that we were not made to be just like the others, 2) showed us that we had unique strengths that made us our own person, and 3) gave us self confidence in who we were, that we are still able, even as adults, to celebrate our very different personalities and strengths as sisters.

My sisters are my best friends in the world and each of them bring something different to my life. We have honestly never had an ongoing issue with comparing ourselves to one another, or doubting our own abilities because of another sisters' success (although I'm sure it has happened on occasion). We are night and day. We represent very clearly the four distinct personality types and have all been "known" for different strengths as we have grown up. I was the nerdy brainy one who made good grades and had a "calm" spirit. Cortni has always been able to light up a room with her personality, loves deeply, and shows her emotion freely. Cassie has been our spiritual light from an early age and is able to discern and provide wisdom to our family. She is also the creative one, with an appreciation for design, photography, and anything she can make with her hands. Cailee is the sweetheart of the family, the steadfast and loyal one, who is always ready to help whoever needs it. When she does open her mouth (although it's not as often as the others), it is pure wisdom that we hear.

I say all of that to bring me around to my actual POINT of this blog. Today, I was struck hard with the awesome responsibility I have as a mother to make sure my own girls have this same self-image, and this same understanding that they are NOT their sister.

This morning, as we sat and ate breakfast, Carlie did something really cute to me, and counted her pieces of toast. Now, if Kendyll counted her pieces of toast, at the age of four and a half, I probably wouldn't have much of a reaction. But, Carlie is almost two, and barely knows how to count. So, I was very proud of her and said "Good job, Carlie! You counted two pieces!!" I glanced at Kendyll and saw a face I didn't expect to see. She looked disappointed, even jealous. She really hasn't been like that much at all since Carlie has joined our family. But, in that moment, I saw it. She was comparing. Then she said: "Mommy, sometimes I don't feel very smart. Like when you say Good Job Carlie but not to me." Wow. I didn't expect her to come right out and say that!

Now, I would love to say that I got right into my old "children's counselor mode" and said the exactly perfect thing. (Reflecting her feelings and giving her a "name" for what she was worried about---all the things I was taught in grad school). But, I didn't. I did, however, go right into the talk about how much God has blessed us with TWO smart girls, both with different things that they can do really well. We talked about the things she does well. And, I told her that it was my job to make sure that both she and Carlie knew how proud I was of them. I told her that it was important as Carlie learned new things that we tell her how good she's doing as she grows, just like I did for her when she was two. I told her how proud I was of her and the example she is to Carlie....how she is the one who has taught Carlie to talk, to count, to sing, to dance. And, that she will always be the one Carlie will learn the most from. I tried to reinforce how incredibly smart, funny, beautiful, and talented Kendyll is. But, also tried to show her how much Carlie had those same strong qualities. (What I really wanted to say was "Kendyll's not Carlie and Carlie's not Kendyll"!! But, that will come later, I guess.)

Throughout the day I realized how much Carlie does get extra attention right now for talking so much and doing so many new things. I was more sensitive to the fact that I take for granted that Kendyll does so many things herself and should make more effort to praise that too.

But, more importantly, I prayed more today than ever about each of my girl's self confidence. About their ability to see God's unique plan for them, and to not wish they were their sibling or their friends or some movie star on TV. I pray so hard that I can be the parent that my parents were...who celebrated the differences and recognized the individual strengths of their girls.

Hopefully today made that clearer for me, and I can now be more conscious of it. And, if you're reading, thank you Mom and Dad, for being true fans of your girls. We felt it then and we feel it now. And, now it's our turn to pass it on. :)