The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

The Good....was today. For a few reasons.
The Bad...was tonight. For one main reason (named Kendyll)
The Ugly.... is mommy's attitude. (I'm so irritable!!!)

Let's start with the positive. Today was wonderful. First, because Mommy was a little worn out, Grandma Cheri offered to keep the girls overnight last night. This was a wonderful treat for me, and I spent time napping and reading yesterday, and then a TON of errands today all over town. It's just so nice to get so much done without the hassle of children. Plus, knowing that the girls are having WAY more fun than they do at our house makes it even better. They were, of course, completely worn out from playing so hard and staying up late (a special treat when away at grandma's!), so they have already been in bed for a while, which is also nice for me, since I have packing to do for our weekend, plus school to prepare in the morning.

So, on to the good part of the day. This afternoon, I took Kendyll along for my doctor's appointment where we would hear the heartbeat for the first time on doppler. (even though I've seen it twice on sonogram). This was such a fun outing for me and Kendyll to do together. We got to the hospital in time to go see the newborn nursery, which is one of my favorite things to do. We got a treat at the snack cart and sat by the fish tank to eat our candy. Then, Kendyll got to take my blood pressure, check my weight, play My Little Pony with my nurse, and hold the doppler on my tummy. She also recorded the precious little heartbeat on our tape recorder to share with the family later. She was in awe at hearing our baby inside my tummy and it was so neat to watch her experience this as an older child this time.

We got a great picture of my doctor with her. This is special to me, because my doctor has delivered both of my girls and will deliver this baby as well. So, the last picture I had of Kendyll with Dr. Weprin was at Kendyll's birth! It was a very fun afternoon for us.

Then, the bad part. Tonight, after dinner, we were finally driving home from a very long day, and were buckling up in the car in the Olive Garden parking lot. I asked the usual question "Kendyll, are you buckled?" To which she said "Yep, I am!" But, something in her eyes said that wasn't true. So, I asked again "Kendyll, are you sure you're buckled? Why are you looking at me like that?" "Yes, Mommy, I"m buckled!" (with a sly smile). I still knew that she wasn't, but decided to let this play out to see what she would do.

As I reversed, and started driving down the parking lot, I hear a "click". She wasn't buckled. It was officially Kendyll's first lie to me. I won't go into all of the details of how I handled it and what we talked about (too long and boring for all of you), but she cried the entire way home partly from feeling "so sad" about her decision and partly from being "scared of her spanking", which was waiting for her upon arrival at our doorstep. (I know this is a "little lie" but I want her to know that it doesn't matter...lying is always going to get the same result.) Anyway, we got home and she hid in the laundry room while I unloaded the car. I sat down with her and talked again about how serious this was, etc. etc. I gave her the spanking and she sat to think about what she did, cry that loud "I was spanked!" cry, and to pray to God to say she was sorry. I went back in to do the hugs and "recap" part, and she said "Mommy, will you ever love me again?" Now, sometimes things like that just make you mad because you know they're just saying it for a reaction. But, in that moment, those deep brown eyes of hers truly meant that and it broke my heart!

We had the conversation that she could never do anything that would make me stop loving her and that even when we make bad choices I don't even love her a little bit less. It's always the same and it's always the whole worldfull. But, even as we went to bed, she kept saying "I love you Mommy. And you love me, right?" How do you get through to these sensitive little girls that you unconditionally love them, even when they're disciplined and even when you're disappointed in their actions? We don't spank for many things because I want the "important" things to stand out. And, it definitely works. Whenever she has to be spanked, it's just heartbreaking to her.

So, it's been a tough night. That, combined with two very tired girls, and mommy's ugly hormonal attitude, and it's been "one of those" nights. I worry that my irritability and tiredness every night is causing most of these problems! But, hopefully as I get into a "better" part of pregnancy, I will also be a better mommy. :)

I am thankful for today because the majority of it was wonderful. I had great cuddling time with Kendyll at bedtime, I got to listen to her sweet prayers, and on top of that, God has answered our prayers about this baby and we are so thankful to have heard that precious heart beating away at 165 beats a minute! (could it be another girl?)

Okay, that was long. Thanks for "listening", fellow bloggers! I'll see many of you at school in the morning. :)