Welcomed Home

So, I think I scared some of you away with that last post. :) I've had more than one friend say they hesitated to call me after that. Oops.

I didn't mean to scare you off! I really am much better now. And, the parts of me that aren't better, I hope never are better. (Did you get that?!)

Every single day, the kids in Ghana are in my head and heart...we literally talk about them non-stop. This morning, I was laying in bed, thinking about how to fit our next trip in with some other things we have planned for the fall.

I thought I was the only one awake, until Mark rolled over and said "I have a new idea for Ghana. I dreamed about it last night."

I started laughing, because it's obvious that these kids and the work being done in Ghana are both just constantly in our thoughts.

BUT...that doesn't mean I'm not ready to be friends again, y'all! :) I truly appreciate so many of you who commented, emailed, or talked to me about your own experiences and feelings after returning home from a trip like this one. It's good to know that there is a BIG group of people who have also been gloriously ruined in many other countries around the world.

Today, I was reading the end of the book, Fields of the Fatherless, by Tom Davis. A couple of things he said rang true for me: He says that he realized two truths as he first began working with orphans in Russia. “The first truth was how deeply in love God is with the poor and the outcast. I didn’t just learn this truth intellectually, I felt it. Throughout my stay, I sensed God loving these kids directly through me. The second truth was how much God blessed me—how much joy He desired to give me—when I participated with Him in doing something that mattered so much!

That is so true! It was that deep joy that I experienced while loving these kids, that I craved when I got home. It's a joy I can't describe. And, it can only be from Him. I left part of my heart there, but I'm so thankful for that!

Tom Davis also says this: "There is a price to pay for being obedient to God's call to care for the fatherless. The price is your heart. The heart that was once mine no longer belongs to me. It belongs to the children whom God has graciously shared with me, and to every orphan in the world. What an honor to be able to be used by God to let these children know that they no longer need to fear because their heavenly Father has them in the palm of His hand!"

So, there you go. THAT'S what I was feeling and couldn't express. I was so blessed to love on these kids, and I guess I never realized how healing it would be and how great it would really feel. So, when we came home, there was such a noticeable void!

But, I am enjoying loving on my little ones here too, and am also enjoying catching up with friends again, now that we've had some adjustment time.

Tonight, our sweet friends, Terry and Nicole, hosted a dinner with friends, so we could share our stories and catch up with everyone.

And, in Nicole's usual fashion, she was the best hostess ever, and even decorated for the occasion. :)

The boys and girls split up for dinner, and Mark and I both got to share so much about the trip and the plans going forward. It was also good to hear how everyone else was doing and what was going on in everyone's lives!

Even the kids had SO much fun being together. It was pure sadness when it was time to say goodbye. It's never long enough. :)

Thank you, friends, for a wonderful night, and for your amazing friendships. We feel so "welcomed home", and are truly blessed beyond measure.

Coming Home...The Good and the Bad

I took a couple of days off from updates, because I honestly didn't have anything good to say. I know that sounds harsh, but it has really been an interesting couple of days. My feelings have totally caught me off guard. I fully expected to have a tough time re-entering the American world as we know it. But, I really did not expect it to be THIS hard.

Tonight at dinner, after laughing hard with my girls and really enjoying being with my family for maybe the first time in two days, Mark said "It's good to have you back. I was starting to get worried." And, he's right. I've just not been myself.

We got off the plane in Atlanta, and I knew I was in trouble. I tried so hard to keep it together, but I couldn't. I just cried as I looked around at the abundance I saw everywhere. I mean, I could pick any food I wanted and just buy it without thinking twice. I felt completely overwhelmed. Sweet Mark was trying to be sensitive to me, but I really wonder if he thought I was a freak, as I bawled in the Chick-fil-A line. As he asked me what was wrong, I said "This all just makes me sick. Kids aren't even eating today, and we just have our pick of fourteen restaurants in a row."

So, pretty much, it went downhill from there.

We got home and I tried to be happy to be here again. I tried to feel the comfortable familiarity of sleeping in my own bed, being clean again in my own shower...but it all felt weird and not good at all.

I didn't care about getting my favorite meals, like I thought I would. I could barely even complete a sentence. I just was in a total funk. And, I couldn't stop thinking about the kids we left behind.

I even tried to be happy with my own children. I know. That sounds awful, and it was awful. I found myself shocked by their selfishness, annoyed with their comments about wanting more food, or disgusted with their complaint that they shouldn't clean up a mess because they didn't make the mess. It was REALLY hard not to compare their typical American attitudes to the children I just left in Ghana.

In fact, if it wasn't for Mark, I don't know what my kids would think of me right now. He stopped me many times from saying "Do you know what kids in Africa get for dinner?" Or, "Do you know that I NEVER heard a child in Ghana whine?!" He was so sweet and gentle with them, when I couldn't do it.

I know it's not their fault, but I truly could not just enjoy them without thinking of what the kids in Ghana were doing, feeling, needing...

As I've talked with my team mates in the last couple of days, it sounds like we're all experiencing the same "funk". In fact, Shannon (one of our team members) said today that she remembers Kay Warren describing the depression she experienced as she re-entered American life after her first trip to Africa.

So, I looked it up in her book. She nailed it with her term "gloriously ruined". This is what she says...

If very little in life had prepared me for what I experienced in Africa, nothing had prepared me to try and pick up my life again in affluent Orange County, California. Everything looked different; everyone seemed strange. I looked at my possessions differently. Suddenly a full refrigerator was an insult. The crowded grocery store shelves were excessive. The displays of fashion at the mall were trivial. Television was disgusting and moronic. Politics made me sick. Church was superficial. I was a mess...I was ruined for life as I had known it before, but gloriously ruined! Life will always hold a "before Africa" and "after Africa" classification for me now. I'm simply not the person I used to be...I've been shaped by these new experiences, and I will never be the same. Moreover, I don't want to be the same."

Then, she offers this wonderful advice to those who are also feeling gloriously ruined:

"Let me give you some hope! It takes time--weeks, even months--to settle into a new way of viewing the world, of achieving an equilibrium that allows you to feel the pain and sorrow of our world without being overwhelmed by it. Don't short-circuit the process of what God is trying to do in your heart just because it hurts. Give yourself some time to get used to the internal changes He is creating within you."

Thank you, Kay. It feels better even having a title for my feelings. I'm gloriously ruined. :)

Meanwhile, today has been a better day. My kids and I are back in our groove and I'm loving them like I should be. Ha ha. I also got to spend the day making Ghana come alive for a group of VBSers, by turning our missions room into Africa.

I realized that I was in the best mood at the end of today. And, I think it's because I was surrounded by Africa again today, and I was able to do something productive on behalf of these kids in Ghana. I want to be doing something for them. And, today felt like a tiny way to do that.

I also think the Lord is gently restoring my soul. There are so many passages in His word that are helping me do that. And, I'm so thankful to have friends and family too, who know where I am and help me process through all of this.

In the mean time, I wanted to share the pictures from when we arrived home and were greeted by our sweet, precious, beautiful girls (who really are good kids, even though I've been hard on them!)

We've had nightly concerts with their new African musical instruments and have some GREAT video of the songs they have written. Here is AK on the first day with her new toys.

They were also very proud to wear their new dresses from Ghana to church on Sunday too. Aren't they the prettiest girls ever?

(A huge thank you to Ma Amy for picking these dresses out. We were not able to join the group for the market day, so Amy did ALL my shopping for me! She did really well!!)

Thank you all for being patient with me as I re-enter the world. I know I have not returned emails or phone calls, and haven't caught up with many of you like I hoped to. I have just needed some time to process all that is going on in my head and my heart.

But, I'm comin' back. Different and changed--hopefully forever--but my smile is back on. And, that feels much better. :)

Our Last Day in Ghana

So, here we are at the last day's update! I'm going to try to stick to the facts, and post again later about my "after the trip" feelings. I know you can't wait for that one. :)

The last day was another eventful one, and we fit as much in as we could before leaving.

We spent Friday morning with our last little Compassion girl, Freda. She shares a birthday with our Carlie, and Carlie had waited ALL week for us to finally meet her friend. Freda lives in a different area than the other two, so we had to save her visit for a different day. It was a treat for us to get to bring Colin, Amy, and Megan along for this visit, to see what Compassion does for these kids, and to get to see Freda's school and home.

(Unfortunately, the man who took pictures for us didn't quite know how to work the camera. So, most of our pictures did not turn out. There were a few that did, though!)

Just like the visit on Tuesday, we were once again humbled by our warm greeting. As we walked in the church where the Compassion office is, we heard music and saw children dancing. Godfrey, the Compassion representative, told us this was all for us. They had been waiting for our arrival! It's just unbelievable that they honor their sponsors this way.

As we met with the staff there, we were once again impressed by all that Compassion does for these kids. And, we were even more blown away when they showed us a computer lab full of Dell computers and learning resources that they had just received from Compassion for the children and the community. It was donated by a single donor and was worth over $30,000. What an amazing resource for these kids and families!

We quickly headed to Freda's school to meet her and see her classmates. Once again, we drove up to see the entire school waiting on the steps to greet us. Amazing!

We walked to Freda's class, which was in the preschool area. Her class was so sweet and were so excited to see us! Freda, however, was a little nervous and very shy. We had already been told that she was a very reserved child, but I think this just completely overwhelmed her! Here is the moment we met her...

She is our youngest sponsored child, and did not speak English as well as the others either. But, even with these challenges, I hope and pray that she understood how much we love her and her family, and that we pray for her always!

As we entered her house, we once again were reminded of the circumstances these families live with. The father lives across town, and the mom and children live with their grandparents. They all sleep in the same bedroom. (This is Freda's little sister, Anita...)

Freda's mother runs a small store attached to the front of their home (which our group was able to shop at on our way out to help support this family. We bought some Obama Cookie Wafers, which were hilarious, and some floor mats for the Village of Love.)

We gave Freda all of her goodies, and enjoyed watching her put on her new dress, new tshirt, new flipflops, and play with her new toys.

The Compassion staff kept telling us that she was so happy. But, the girl only cracked a smile once. :) I wish we could have spent the whole day with her, because I think we could have found those smiles somewhere inside! But, we had a whole afternoon planned with the kids back at the VOL, so we had to say goodbye to Freda after just a couple of hours. It was wonderful to be with her and her family, and we look forward to visiting again.

As we got back to the hotel, we were able to hear the update from the rest of the group, who had been working all morning on the medical needs of the children. They went to purchase mosquito nets for each child in the Touch A Life program, as well as begin an immunization program at the local hospital for the kids. They had quite a few stories about their experience at the hospital, and we are continuing to pray that a good relationship can be established between this group of children and the hospital close by.

We were then able to greet the children as they arrived home, and the medical team began the health screenings right away, to fit everyone in before we left!

Brad was able to respond to some important physical needs of these children right away with the medication he brought, and has also made medical treatment plans for others who he found had specific needs and issues. We are SO THANKFUL that he has been able to help these children in this way! And, we are also SO THANKFUL for all of you who sponsored a child and helped make this happen!! I look forward to sharing more with you after Brad returns and we have more photos of the whole day.

As medical checkups continued, so did our painting, reading, and playing.

We were joined by the Mercy Project team as well, who were heading to Kete Krachi the next day to provide a similar VBS for the Touch A Life kids there. It was fun to have so many people there for a few hours!

That evening, we did a final time of singing with the kids. I wish I could say I got through that without crying. But, of course, I did not. We began singing "God is So Good", which we taught them this week. A verse we added was "He rescued me, He rescued me, He rescued me, He's so good to me." As I looked around at these beautiful faces singing about God's rescue, the tears just streamed down my cheeks. I was so sad to be leaving them. And, I was so thankful for my week with them. I am thankful they are rescued. I also feel that God has rescued me through these last few months. He has rescued me from a status quo life. He has rescued me from the self-centered, all-about-myself American way. And, I am so thankful.

Next we sang Blessed Be The Name of the Lord, which of course did NOT help me stop crying. "You give and take away, You give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name..." He has given us so much, even in our loss. "When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, Blessed be Your name."

As we sang, and cried, the girls especially became worried about some of us. Emefa dried my tears with her hands, and hugged me, while she cried too. Comfort asked me "Ma Chelsea, why are you sad?" I told her I was crying because I loved them so much, and didn't want to leave. But, I'm also crying because God is so good and I am so happy to see them all so happy. She just hugged me and smiled. Here is little Teiko, cuddling with Ma Amy while we sang:

After some singing, it was time for the kids to show off their African drumming and dancing skills. Oh my goodness, they are amazing. It is so fun to watch them! Joseph is the lead drummer, and is really gifted at it.

I wish I had pictures of the whole event, but the kids had our camera, so we have pictures of the walls, the floor, and a few kids' faces. :) They love taking pictures, and some of them are really good at it. I have a feeling they were dancing WHILE taking pictures that night.

So, this is when it gets sad. We sat for the next hour or so and read with the children, knowing that time was almost up.

By the way, I've never loved bald heads more than I do these. :)

We read as some fell asleep next to us, and after sitting and reading as long as we could, they told us it was time to go.

So, the hugging and crying began. Most of the kids did very well, and although they were sad, they hugged and loved on us, as we promised to come again soon. Many asked for us to write them and tell our kids hello.

A little earlier Mary had asked if we could go sit alone for a minute. So, we went off by ourselves. She told me that she would pray for me every day and I told her I would do the same. I took the opportunity to share a "mother's blessing" with her as well, telling her all that I see in her, and what I pray for her. We just sat and hugged, and I prayed that God would never let me forget that moment. She is a very precious girl, and I know God has very big plans for her. I've really never seen a child with so much of God's spirit in her.

As I was hugging many of them goodbye, I noticed I had not seen Joel. I was looking everywhere for him to say goodbye and finally found him sitting by himself behind the house. As I reached down to pick him up, he was just limp and wouldn't look at me. I picked him up and cradled him like a baby with his head on my shoulder. I told him I loved him and that I would be praying for him and that I would be back to see him again. Then, I felt his tears falling on my shoulder. He was crying but making no noise. I began weeping. Shannon was walking by, and came and surrounded Joel as well, and cried with us.

I carried him to the front of the house and hugged him some more with Mark. I had no words to make it better. And, it killed me to leave them all. Of course, I know they are children and that they probably bounced back by the next day, but something about spending this amazing time with them, and then leaving them, was just too hard.

There were lots of tears as we drove to the hotel to get our bags. And, really, for me, they still haven't stopped. Even as I type this entry, I am sitting with my girls watching videos of our week, listening to the kids sing on the last night. My tears still come very easily. And, this morning, Mark and I were already talking about when we would go back to see them all!

But before I get any sappier, I will close. We hope to have some video to share with you very soon. That is Mark's big project for the evening! And, what is my project? Lots-o-laundry. :)

Happy Birthday to Mark!

Thursday was Mark’s 35^th birthday! What a great way to celebrate a birthday--Ghana style! We spent the morning at the Village of Hope, meeting many more children and playing the morning away with them. Mark attracted quite a crowd right off the bat, showing off pictures of the girls on the computer. They were fascinated!

Mama Beth had visited Village of Hope twice before, so she introduced us to many of her sweet friends from there. It was neat to see her greet them all with tears in her eyes.

We also got to see some of the Prestoncrest team who had just arrived the night before! That was a real treat for me, and I was excited to see so many familiar faces, and get to talk a little about what all they planned to do on their visit. Some great stuff going on there for sure!

Village of Hope was an amazing place to tour. It is obvious that many, many people from all different places have given their time and talents to making this place a home for so many. We loved getting to see the amazing three story school, the library, the homes, and even the new Chisholm Chapel, with quiet prayer rooms and art murals of scripture on every wall. It was a wonderful campus that made me dream of the day when we are building Chase’s Place!! I can’t wait!

It was a real privilege to also get to meet some of the original rescued crew from Touch A Life too, including Mark, who Pam first saw on the cover of the New York Times. He started this whole thing, and it was great to hug him in person. (standing to the left of Mark when you are looking at this picture...)

Twenty-one of Pam’s kids live at VOH, and we spent hours talking with them and getting to know them, along with many, many others. What precious, gentle, joyful kids.

I especially enjoyed our time with Sarah and Hagar, two of the girls who Pam and George rescued from the lake.

They are beautiful and gentle spirits. They sat and sang to Amy and me for a while, and as we were walking to see their homes, I told them how beautiful they both sung. Hagar said “I am shy when I sing”. I told her she shouldn’t be, because God gave her this beautiful voice for a reason. She was able to share what He has done for her through her songs, and that others will be blessed when she sings. And, most importantly, I told her how much it must please God when He hears her sweet angelic voice. She was smiling so big and began to quietly sing as we walked.

At the exact same time, Sarah said “I love to sing, Ma Chelsea. If I could not sing, I would not be Sarah.” Oh, how precious these moments were. It brought out this emotion in me that I wasn’t expecting. I had been sitting there in awe listening to their stories of the lake and of their life now, rejoicing that they were rescued and living free and happy now. But, then as I was affirming their talents and gifts, my thought was “but they still need a mom to affirm and bless them”. It was just a moment—actually there have been quite a few--where the hole that still remains in these children’s lives was evident to me. It reminded me of what Pam said to me as I got on the plane for this trip. "You are about to become parents to Ghanaian treasures. Your life will never be the same." She talks all the time about how these children need more moms and dads, and I see exactly what she means.

Before I came on this trip, I had attended an orphan care conference in May. While we were there, we had the privilege of listening to an expert in the field of orphan care and adoption, Karyn Purvis. One thing she said has really stuck with me on this trip. She told us all that when we care for orphans or abandoned children, we are to give the verbal blessing that a mom or dad would give to these little ones. Every time we are with them, we should take the opportunity to affirm a quality we see in them, or a way that God loves them and has a purpose for them.

So, I committed before we came to try and bless the children with "mother's words" as much as possible while I was here, and to keep praying that others will also fill this gap in their lives over the years. It was a blessing for all of us on this trip to do that throughout the week, but in some ways it made my heart a little sad. At times they seemed desperate for this word of blessing in their lives. They were so proud to hear what they were good at, or how they are loved. I guess I just have to trust that God has truly redeemed them from pain, and is loving them through LOTS of moms and dads in their lives...and also through the wonderful families they have been placed with...brothers, sisters, and caring adults.

Okay. Sorry for the tangent. :)

Back to Thursday.

After Village of Hope, we headed to the Village of Love house to see our 26 sweeties. This day was a very important one, as the health screenings began for each child!

I cannot say enough about the incredible job that Brad Gautney, Nurse Shannon, and Nurse Megan did with these kids. And, from what I hear, their bedside manner is like none other! The kids love all three of them, so it was easy for them to trust them. That was such an important part of this too!

While they began the screenings and assessments for the kids, Amy, Beth, Mark, Colin, Brad, and I entertained the children in other ways. We did lots of painting about "what love is" to them (which are so cute...we're selling them back at home and you're all gonna love them!!). Amy and Beth handled the painting time better than I did, actually.

I began a little stomach "issue" this afternoon, and spent some of my time bent over trying to make the cramping stop! Eventually it did, and I seem to have no issues now, but believe me, I was praying against illness that day! Here's a sneak peek of the paintings in progress...they will each have a picture of the child holding their painting and a quote from the child about "What love is". We hope these raise good money for these kids!

The boys also pulled out the big parachute during playtime too! (Anna, I'm still so glad you suggested I bring this! It was such a hit!)

The kids had a blast playing with something they had never seen before and it was very fun to watch them giggle and run underneath.

George Sr. stood and watched with me and just kept talking about how great this was to see them playing like this. He said "things like this need to happen more with kids here (in Ghana)." And, I loved getting to hear his thoughts yet again on where these kids have come from. He loves them so deeply and it shows. He never stops thanking God for rescuing them. He gives glory to God in every conversation. What a great inspiration he is.

After parachutes, painting, and health screenings, it was time for dinner! Every night we sit in a separate part of the house for dinner, but tonight we were all combined for a celebration before our last day. I handed out birthday party hats for the whole group, to celebrate Colin, Amy, and Mark's birthdays from the week. And, they all sang once again for the birthday guys and girl.

As we ate, Kofi began playing African dance music, which the kids went crazy over. All of a sudden, we were watching as the kids gave up on eating for a while to dance all over the place.

It was one of the best nights ever (even with the stomach cramps!). We gave them glo stick bracelets and necklaces and silly bands, and had a dance party for over an hour. Let's just say there were some great moves and lots of laughter. :)

About halfway through the dance party, little Teiko came up and tugged on my dress and said "Ma Chelsea, I am tired. I want you to hold me." I completely melted. So, the rest of the time I danced while cradling Teiko like a baby. She loved it, but probably not nearly as much as I did. :) The picture is so blurry, but I don't want to forget my baby for the evening.

After dancing, we decided to surprise them with their new flip flops, so graciously donated by groups back in Dallas. We made a tunnel for them to run through and they found the flipflops lined up at the end. They all selected a pair (with no fighting, I might add!) and were so excited to have new shoes!

(It was funny the next day, though, to see that some were wearing a different pair than they originally chose, and some had on mismatched pairs. I guess anything goes when there are dozens of shoes laying around!)

After we said goodnight, and returned to our hotel, we skyped our girls, as we do every night. When they came on the screen, they had birthday hats, blowers, and balloons to celebrate with Daddy from afar. It was a fun ending to his great birthday. It will certainly be one he never forgets!

Later that evening as we were packing our bags and getting ready for the final day, we talked about how fun it will be to return to these kids on future trips. All the newness will be gone on our end, and the relationships will already be established. I can imagine that it will only get better and better from here.